I Can't Be Here Anymore
by Amberpenny
Summary: Sickness causes Morgan to lose his young son, and feeling helpless Savannah leaves too. Alone, Derek returns to the BAU to continue working, but with grief following him, he is struggling to move forward.


**Disclaimer: Criminal Minds is not my property. Nor is this a work of real events. My knowledge of medical procedures is not that of a real doctor. Sorry for any mistakes.**

 **Chapter One: A Mournful Loss**

Hank wasn't even two years old when he got diagnosed with pneumonia.

It started on an ordinary night – Savannah was preparing dinner, and Derek was on the phone. Little Hank Spencer was playing on the living room floor with a teddy bear.

The teddy was tossed aside when Hank started spluttering and choking.

Hearing him first, Savannah went to go assist her little boy until he could breathe again; his dry cough eventually subsiding after two agonizing minutes.

'See if you can take him to see the Doctor tomorrow, he must be getting sick' Derek suggested when he got off the phone and saw Savannah with their son in her arms.

'Little man' Derek mumbled, stroking the boy's forehead with his thumb.

'He seems to be okay now' Savannah said, so she carried Hank to his bedroom and laid him down.

She returned to the kitchen with Derek and they ate their meal, going back to check on Hank occasionally, who had fallen asleep.

'He's got a fever now, Savannah' Derek told her hours later.

Savannah folded her arms, 'I'm not going to risk waiting till morning if something serious is wrong with him'.

Morgan agreed.

Together, the couple gathered some of Hank's belongings, his bear and his favourite blanket, and put him into his car seat.

Then, Savannah drove the family to the hospital and arranged to see a doctor.

The Doctor's name was Steven Hopps. He was clocking out, and was about to head home for the night, but seeing a family with a sick child caused him to feel the worry of the parents.

'I can have a look at him' Hopps lead the family away.

'He seems to be okay, just a fever' he told the Morgans after giving Hank a physical examination.

'He's been coughing a bit though, it's not whooping cough or anything, is it?' Savannah told him.

'Take him home for now' Hopps directed, passing them a list of symptoms, 'If he gets any of these, please bring him back here immediately'.

Derek took the printed document, and he and Savannah thanked the Doctor and took Hank home.

Hank slept through the night without making another stir so his two anxious parents began to calm down.

'Little champ' Derek smiled, watching the boy sleep soundly, breathing peacefully.

'He's a toughie' Savannah commented, 'Just like his Daddy'.

Holding hands, the couple walked down their hallway towards their own bedroom, leaving all the doors open as to hear Hank stirring if he got sick again.

Everything seemed to be okay.

However, the next day everything was far from okay.

Hank had nausea by breakfast, which was one of the things on Hopp's list that the family had to watch out for.

'His fever has come back' Savannah stroked the boy's head.

Meanwhile, Derek already had his hand on the car keys, 'Let's not waste any time, let's just go back to the hospital'.

Over the course of the car ride, Hank continued to be sick, and spluttering after each spurt of nausea. Then, he would persistently cough.

By the time the car had pulled up in the Hospital car park, Hank had started struggling to breathe.

Morgan held onto his son, and ran straight into the emergency centre. Savannah followed behind.

Hopps was on duty, so he was one of the first Doctors by Hank's side along with two others; a male and a female.

'Just let us do our job, please sir' the woman spoke to Derek first, and they took Hank away and gave him some oxygen.

After making some observations of the boy, looking at his XRAY results, the Doctors had discovered what was wrong with him.

'He's developing pneumonia and has acute bronchitis' Hopps informed Savannah and Derek, 'His lungs are becoming inflamed'.

'And nothing gave you that impression when you saw him last?' Savannah snapped at him.

'Fever is one of the earliest symptoms, and as I'm sure you know, a fever can be the first symptom for lots of different conditions' Hopps informed quite apologetically, 'You have brought him in at the right time, so right now we're just doing the best we can to keep Hank as healthy as possible'.

'You can't snap at him, Savannah' Morgan held her close.

He was feeling the same pain and worry she felt however he knew at least one of them had to be strong, 'Hopps gave us a list of what to look at for and now they're going to go save our boy'.

Hopps apologized for upsetting them, and left quickly after that.

Meanwhile, Hank was really struggling.

He seemed to be doing okay, but then he would convulse, and his fever would vary some dangerous temperatures.

Later, his body had hit the worst pneumonia symptom possible, and his skin started to turn blue. He was shaking with chills, and he could barely breathe.

As time passed, Hank continued to get sicker and nothing seemed to be making him better.

His skin was blue when he died, and he passed away with his favourite teddy bear beside him, and his favourite blanket which had been laid over him by his mournful parents.

Hopps too, had stayed by their side and mourned with them.

Both Morgan and Savannah were sleep deprived from the passing of time, both exhausted with worry and they both shed tears in unison.

After attending Hank's funeral together, along with the members of the Behavioural Analysis Unit, and friends and family – Savannah and Morgan began having serious talks here and there.

They were both conflicted and didn't really know how to move forward.

'I need some time alone' Savannah confessed one evening, with a suitcase in her hand, 'My cousin lives in Australia, so I'm going to fly there. Get some distance'.

She sobbed the word 'distance'.

Morgan bit his lip, 'And I'll call you every day? Yeah, just to make sure you're okay'.

'Don't call me' Savannah spat out sadly, 'I don't want to be here, Derek. I want to leave'.

'Are we over?' the question played in Morgan's mind.

'I'll let you know soon, I'm not sure' Savannah had left before Morgan could even say another word.

He knew there was no point in following her and besides he felt deflated, so he just sat down at the dinner table, starving himself to sleep with grief.

Feeling nothing, he stayed there not wanted to even exist.

 **So that's Chapter One, I'll be posting the next chapter soon. R &R if you can. **

**Thanks, Amber.**


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